The consequences of desperation

My mind was darkly resisting in despair,
Do not deem that I had been simply ingrate.
It was because your loss was always very near
And you were too generous even when you left.

You left for me here some memories of you,
A fabulous impromptu to feel you all the time.
Bestowed the crucial drive of being myself
And left inside - deepest - a bit meaning of life...

You are the lovely girl of a joyful family,
The love surrounded you let you be merciful,
But I had been on the battle side of this life
Fighting hard before all became remorseful

I sacrificed with my own hands the last solution,
You know, when you are hurt, I do not bare
Yet I am distracted by your delusion
And the peace of mind I can't find anywhere