The \"R\" Word

They say it’s just a word, they don’t mean it in a bad way; that’s just what they said back in the day. If it wasn’t for my experience, I would probably agree. I realize when they say “that’s retarded” that they’re usually not talking about a person, but I still think back to ten-year-old me.

I grew up being bullied and excluded. People said I was a loser, told me to go away, that they didn’t play with retards, I should go kill myself, and that no one liked me because I was a retard. I didn’t believe them at first because I knew they were just insecure about themselves, but then I found some papers from some tests that I had done around the time I was in kindergarten and the different areas that were tested were listed with how well I did in each area. I was reading down the list, “average, average, low average, average.”

Then it said “Borderline Mental Retardation.” I suddenly thought all those kids were right-nobody liked me, I couldn’t do all the normal things other kids did, and I would never have any friends. I know now that that is far from the truth and borderline mental retardation was just a medical term, but to ten-year-old me, seeing that on that paper was devastating, so that is why I will find a better word to use.