Blissfully Numb

How do I feel right now? More complex than your brain would allow. Part of me is numb. But like the color white, I lie to myself about feeling nothing at all. In reality im on top off a wall looking down at the crowd screaming up "you're gonna fall". Legs shaking, lips stained in alcohol. In another part of my brain it's a torrential down pour and my lungs are filled with rain, gasping for air. That would be my despair. Don't get me wrong, there's sun in my world but it's an eclipse and if you dare to look straight at me without burning your eyes to my surprise and yours there is still a glint of a smile left. That's my hope. Tiny, fragile little emotion but looks are deceiving and that emotion actually keeps everything together in a whimsical notion. But the years have been cold and hope is too frozen to hold so I slowly slip into the abyss and hope that one day white turns to black and I become blissfully numb.