Depression

Depression.
What is it? What causes it?
To me, depression occurs when I don't feel a purpose in anything I do.
It's when I feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore.
It's when my usual hobbies and interest no longer interest me.
It's when everything anyone does irritates me and I don't know why.
It's when I can't seem to get enough sleep.
When I eat too much, or sometimes not enough.
When I don't seem to have any feelings at all.
Depression.
What is it? Why do I have it?
To me, depression is not understanding why I feel like I'm falling alone.
It's because I can't keep interested in anything.
It's because at some point, something in me broke and I can't fix it.
It's because of a helpless thought that invades and takes over my mind.
It's because I'm no longer strong enough to fight it.
Because I've been strong for too long.
Because I can't carry the disappointment in myself anymore.
Depression.
What is it? How do I fix it?
To me, depression is a feeling of utter loss and no way out.
It's "fixed" when you talk to someone about it.
It's "fixed" when you write about it.
It's "fixed" when you spend days crying because it tears you apart.
It's "fixed" when you take medication to make you happy.
"Fixed" when you find someone who understands.
"Fixed" when you remove yourself from your feelings.
Depression.
What if I can't?
What if I don't want to talk about it?
What if writing or crying doesn't help?
What if I don't take medicine?
What if I can't to remove myself from my feelings?
What if I don't want to let depression win?
What if those invasive thoughts of just ceasing persist?
What if I can't?