My Ten Phases Of Grief (part one)

At first I couldn’t go to bed
So I’d walk around my room instead
I didn’t know there’d be worse times ahead

Stuck replaying the things I said
Always getting lost inside my head
Didn't realize I was starting to feel dead

Didn’t realize you were someone I need
When my mind said I could lose you its warning I didn’t heed
Now your loss has taken root in my head and spread like a seed

That’s phase one
It’s only just begun

Next I was always stuck in my mind
Always looking for someone I won’t find
Even the best memories no longer kind

I spend my days trying to rewind
Back to the days our paths aligned
Losing you left me feeling lost and resigned

I’m left trying to learn how to cope
But it’s hard when I still hold onto hope
So I’m left trying to wash away the pain with soap

That’s phase two
Constantly thinking about you

After that I got lost in my dreams
Because it was better than tearing at the seams
I guess now I know what losing someone means

Stuck in my heads own theme
Even in my sleep your name I scream
Wondering if I’ll ever see your smile gleam

I keep sinking deeper in this hole
I know I should eat but I just stare at the bowl
I’m never hungry but at the same time I’m never full

That's phase three
Lost who I’m supposed to be

Then I blocked off how I was feeling
Cause the memories left my mind reeling
I thought after that I could start healing

All the memories I buried I’m trying to reveal
I don’t think you knew when you left my heart you’d steal
I don’t even understand how I’m supposed to heal

But I guess it’s my fault because it’s my heart I gave
Now I’m left with the pieces of me I’m trying to save
My friends notice I look down cause I’ve given up on being brave

That’s phase four
my minds at war

Now I watch as I lose another day
Wondering if it’s going to be okay
Even if I saw you what could I say

Because I’m left here feeling I lost my way
So now I’m in bed, crying all alone I lay
Everything around me looks bleak and gray

There’s no backing out now it’s too late
This isn’t on you because you’re someone I can’t hate
Now I lock myself behind my own barred gate

That’s phase five
Feeling less alive