Ruby Tears
The more I drinkThe more I think
The more my blood begins to sink
Into a state of altered ink
With every beer
I start to fear
My heart will pump ruby tears
The more I drinkThe more I think
The more my blood begins to sink
Into a state of altered ink
With every beer
I start to fear
My heart will pump ruby tears
I love drinking. even if i am 5 years old
Your poem lacks a good start. You are creative in your expression, but the beginning lacks something to grab the reader's attention. Something like, "Drinking more / Leads to thinking more," would improve your opening lines and grab your reader's attention. It would provide all the movement your poem needs as it is a brevity poem. "Into a state of altered ink," and "My heart will pump ruby tears," are awesome metaphors. Very creative.
Oh
Short and sweet! I can see where you used repetition and then transitioned into mostly rhyme. I feel like once you got the hang of alliteration, you would love it.
nice
This is raw, hard, serious, and vulnerable. You are a master poet.
I love how short the poem is and how it gets across an image with a story in the few sentences written. Good work!
Love a good beer. Love this poem!
I wish i could write as concisely as you did here!
I don't understand...=(
Given how short it is and the repetition of the initial rhyme scheme, I, personally, didn't appreciate the change in rhyme at the end. It does have a clear and direct message and nice metaphors, though. Keep it up!
Unique, could have used more lines, but not bad
Yeah, I like it. Agree with other comments that it lacks a little movement at the beginning.
I would say, that it is overall creative, however, I also agree with the other comments about lacking movement. I want more of this story. Keep it up!
I feel you there in fact I think I'm going to go find a beer right now great job you inspired me.
I think a lot of people who drink could relate to this poem. It was a fun read.
Beautiful ❤️ please guys read my poems and you will not going to regret