The Missing Link
I woke up today normal as can be but went to school and couldn't see. Being scared, to the nurse I raced. she said stick out your tongue but I couldn't taste.
She asked me more questions to see if I was well. Then she gave me a flower and I couldn't even smell.
I asked if I would be okay, voice full of fear.
She tried to answer but I couldn't hear.
Finally they sent me home so that i could heal.
My mom tried to pick me up but I couldn't feel.
Now all my friends call me the missing link...
What was I saying OH! NO! I can't think.
Um... What?
Very clever. A different take on sensory loss. Uniquely expressed. A few tips. Create more movement in your poem. For example, in your first line, you could have better written it, "Waking today, normal as can be, I went to school then couldn't see." This gives your poem temporal movement. Other lines could benefit from this as well. Experiment with various kinds of movement to make this poem really stand out.
This is a very fun read. I loved it. It was bubbly, and yet remained connected to a central point.
Good
I couldn't get past the grammatical errors, sorry.
This is honestly too frivolous a read for me. The rhyming imposed limitations I couldn't ignore, unfortunately.
I thought it was fun, bubbly, and bouncing. This is your style, roll with it.
This was very unique and fun! I think you should definitely write more and practice and experiment. I'm assuming you're still a kid based on your poem, so just keep writing and experimenting. :)
take out "even" before smell.
This poem captures the confusion and fear of suddenly feeling disconnected from your senses, adding an eerie and unsettling tone. The gradual loss of basic abilities—sight, taste, smell, hearing, feeling, and thinking—creates a sense of panic and helplessness, especially with the humorous twist at the end about being called "the missing link." It highlights the frustration of not being able to understand what's happening to you, and the uncertainty that comes with it. Very clever and interesting read.
I like this a lot. The only thing holding it back for me is grammar and lack of punctuation.
Nice
Ahhh, I think this could be a clever way to say, "I cannot go to school today..."=)
Liara Sullivan 2024-05-23 22:31:41 Um... What? LMAAAOOO. Not going to lie, I had the same thought immediately after reading. I don't know, I can see it as kind of a fun, whimsical horror short.
I think this is kind of cool, I really like it BUT you need a better rhythm and the grammatical errors absolutely ruined it for me personally. Otherwise it was really cool.
I like your poem It's really funny it made me laugh thank you for sharing it and keep up the great work.
Adam, this is good. I especially love the progressive ambience of the poem when read internally, not out loud. I mean...the way the tension continues to build with each discovery of the sensory loss and yet the day was supposed to start like any other day kept me pulled in. Nice job.
And yeah, remove the 'even' before smell.
This is really cool!
This is a good poem I enjoyed reading this one.