STOLEN - Part 2

It only happened to those
who somehow had it coming.
Though that was an unjust pose
from those views I was running.

He committed the violence
but he made me take the blame.
Paid for peace with my silence,
hiding truths increased my shame.

And though for four days I bled,
I was too numb to my pain.
Could not tell, wished I were dead,
lied to myself to stay sane.

For many years if I thought
of that day with Bob Ranger,
I blocked out that I had fought
for myself with a stranger.

My rape became just the day
I lost my virginity.
Stolen pain I would not say;
some lies help your sanity.

But lies come back to haunt you,
creep into your dreams at night.
Silently they will taunt you
with the truth you know is right.

Not only had I been raped,
much more was stolen from me.
The blindness had to be scraped
from my eyes for me to see.

Hiding truths and unfair shame
takes its toll over the years.
The loss of trust was my claim;
unworthiness fed my tears.

Needing love, feeling so scared,
letting no one get too near.
Controlling things best I dared,
past and present pain the fear.

Can't relax and enjoy sex
even with men that I loved.
That was a part of the hex
and hell in which I was shoved.

It took a long time to see
all that he had stolen that day.
Not just my virginity,
much more than I could say.

My innocence was traded
for distrust and worthlessness.
Though body-soul degraded,
there'll be no more helplessness.

Somehow I'll mend the pieces
that were broken long ago.
The pain that never ceases
can be there as friend or foe.

I was raped, I accept it.
I can be loved, I'm worth it.
I've faced the truth, except it
still hurts since I've unearthed it.

But the pain reminds me of
how strong I really can be.
Mended me I need to love,
not fear being unworthy.

Someday I hope to be whole,
hope to love and trust once more.
Being raped did take its toll
but I gained strength in my core.