The Moonraker
In late and lucid moonlit hoursShadows dance like midnight flowers
Surrounding darkness as I slept
Demons scurried and they crept
Possessed my mind, body and breath
Unconscious steps led to my death
My spirit rises with its taker
Into the sky by the Moonraker.
Quite the dark visuals you have created here. Nicely done. Your rhythm is perfect all the way until the last line. Might want to work on your rhythmic feet on that line to smooth it out.
Lovely
This sounds like it would be used as a child's poem in a horror movie/book. Love it.
This sounds like it would be used as a child's poem in a horror movie/book. Love it.
this is dark and deep. Impressive, but please continue to be appropriate. Children are on this site.
At times darkness feels beautiful. Perhaps the ending could be reworked a bit - just a thought.
I loved everything about this poem except the last line. The flow gets thrown off due to a lack of syllables.
The pacing could use work, but the rhyming language you used works very well in this dark context.
I love the mood and visuals of this. The couplets are so well done. I, unfortunately didn't get the last line. Do keep it up! Also, @Mallorie, how is this inappropriate? Mentioning death?
Beautiful. Very dark yet languid and smooth somehow.