Tomorrow
If I don't live to see tomorrow, will tomorrow's setting sunprevent my unborn child's bullet from his killer's smoking gun?
If I don't live to bear a child, will I un-live all of the sorrow
And erase history before its filed, from my son's tragic tomorrow?
For if I die before the sunrise, will tomorrow ever come?
Or will my unnatural demise simply postpone what's done is done?
what if i died tmr. ive got cancer bud. will a killed smoking gun kill me
I am not really certain what you are trying to convey with this poem. Honestly, it simply does not make a lot of sense. You ask a lot of rhetorical questions but don't provide any possible answers except in the form of another rhetorical question. This is akin to using a metaphor to describe a metaphor. It simply does not work.
SO many questions and no answers.
Honestly, I understood what you were trying to say, at least until the last line. "What's done is done." That makes zero sense. However, the hope that if you don't live to have a child it would prevent the child's future unhappiness. On the other hand, if you don't live to do those things, and horrible things happen anyways- well, what's a girl to do? The way you conveyed it was horrible, but I get it.
I wonder if this poem is about a parent grieving over their child that was killed, and they’re pondering if they died before the child was conceived that it could’ve saved all of them the pain of the tragedy that occurred?
I think this is a good poem that reflects a person’s deep thought who is going through the grieving process, hence the unanswered questions. Just because these questions can never be answered doesn’t mean they aren’t considered while processing the loss of a loved one. I don’t understand what the comments above are saying about it not working or the message being conveyed horribly. I disagree.
This ok poem
Despite most of the comments asking after what you meant, I, somehow feel your question. I studied physics (feels like in a different life). A philosophical question was do things exist because the observer could see them? Or do they exist irrespective of the observer. It is weird that your poem reminded me of that philosophical dilemma after so many years.
Could be a good poem. The second and last lines derail it because of how syntactically screwed up they are. Re-write and focus on sentence structure.
I see what you're doing, its clever but for the sake of the average man add a few line to elaborate
This is a bit confusing. Try writing your questions in a clear, concise way, and then re-word them in the formatting you desire. Keep trying!
I feel the grief of the poem, but it was just not very well conveyed. There is much to be derived from here, but unfortunately, it wasn't done justice. Keep at it!
A bit confusing, but could be really good if you edited it better
I think this is a really thought provoking poem and I really enjoyed reading it.