Trauma Break

Every major moment of loss. All of them.... literally, every single one...That may sound overly dramatic but it's true. Every single one of these moments have been so harsh and traumatic, so inexplicably devastating, that they have destroyed me mentally... They have broken me to my very core... I constantly wonder how I am even still here, functioning day to day as if I'm fine and have not lost nearly every bit of what makes me, me. I'm just going through the motions, but in truth I have just shut it down, blocked it off... Like some sort of a mental self preservation.. because, if I dare allow Myself to think about, or God forbid, feel all the soul shattering pain that I have been party to, or was to receive and endure in these moments, I would die... Disintegrate.. disappear... I truly believe that I would cease to be... My mind would break and my body would revolt. Like a full emotional, heart ripping soul wrenching, life stopping, future stealing ,mental aneurysm. Pop... Done... Broken.. no more... So, yeah.. THAT PART.