If You Leave . . .

if you leave me here—alone—
my soul would chase yours
to where forever dwells,
and if it is a place
that's cold, dark,
and deafeningly silent,
i wouldn't care,
as long as you're my blanket—
i'm a Cancer
wrapped in the shadows
of your absence.
we shared the world,
laughed, cried,
and laughed again.
time pools like honeybees
from hive to flowers,
just flying pass,
each second an arrow
of forgotten laughter,
echoing
in the vacuum of unsaid goodbyes.
we'd marvel at the stars;
your smile lit up the universe inside me
until it folded into itself,
a cosmic origami
of our experiences,
now unraveling in the void.
tonight i'm in my feelings—
it’s surreal
that you've lost your battle
with the monstrous glioblastoma.
now i seethe with anger
at those doctors who couldn't save you.
i'm torn apart, my heart
scrawled upon with grief.
nothing makes sense anymore,
and perhaps never will,
until my life too is over,
beneath the weight
of the gravedigger's shovel.
lucky me.